Novel Excerpts - "The Break-up"

Just when I got home, I noticed the jeep and his stuffs are gone. Though we had a very rough time on what’s happening lately and the silly things that preceded this break up, I still love him. Of course, I married him for a “forever-after-ending” with the two of us working together in that one common goal but some good things never really last. This is because we never focused our attention on the things that are needed to be done.

The way I look at life is so different from what and how he sees it. This is a universal thing but he doesn’t want to meet me at the middle which gives me an excuse to let him go.

This is not easy on my part because, this is not my nature. However, if the issues are not making me happy, why should I be pushing myself so hard on it? Both of us will only be fooling ourselves of the never-ending negative matters.

If only I could roll back the film in my life’s story, I would edit it in the way I really wanted. I would choose better casts to give me better scenes and perfect shoots. But I don’t hold that part. It’s not my calling. I only act and do what the writer puts in to the script plus what the director is telling me.

I feel emptiness but I know the Lord will fill-in this void part of my life. I know He loves me and will help me get through this.

Each time, I spot the places where I see him and his things, I feel like the world is falling on me. Every time I remember the somber look on his face when I told him we have to go our separate ways, my heart pains a lot. Yet, I have to be tough at times to make myself clear to him. I have to be strong so that he will know that when I say things, I really mean them. I have to overcome my weak side so he can get the message.

I badly need his help in elevating ourselves from the well of debt but he moved so slow and even slower. I could not imagine myself in this very sore situation. I hate things happening this way.

My heart longed so much for a marriage that is happy and lasting - a family with smart and talented kids who are God-fearing, and honor their parents. I always imagined myself preparing meals and refreshments for them and my dear husband. I envision myself maintaining a home with furnishings of love and kindness. I also want it sealed with four walls of security not only against natural calamities but also from evil phenomenon as well.

Right now, I’m thinking so hard on how life has been treating me and how I’ve been treating him. It seems like so unfair but as I go deeper in reflecting all that happened to me, the blessings are greater than the trial itself. If I only could mention a few, the very first thing that comes to my mind is the discovery of my hidden reserves. I never thought I am strong enough to handle this unexpected dilemma. Without this trial I may not be able to know much the trust Heavenly Father has given me. He has not given me any trial yet that I couldn’t resolve. I better see the Hands of God encircling me when I was badly hurt and needed much comfort in easing the pain. I could feel His love and I better appreciate the drops of blood that came out from the Savior’s pores. He sacrificed so much for me so I may not feel that physical pain He experienced.

The Lord has carried the cross for me that I may not feel how heavy it is. He enveloped me with my family, friends, leaders, and mentors who never failed to lighten my load by simply patting my shoulder and through simple words of love and comfort.